The Archive

The History Lesson I spent over an hour explaining the complex history of the world to my friend. I covered everything: the origins of Judaism, the rise of Islam, the Great Schism of the Catholic Church, and the political tensions of the 20th century. I finally finished, took a deep breath, and asked: "So, do you have any questions?" He nodded thoughtfully and said: "Okay, so just to summarize... Hitler killed Jesus, right?"

Will Rogers observed: “The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.”

In order to accustom medical students to the business of getting used to dead human flesh; an anatomy professor basically said to the class, "Look, you’ve got to get used to doing this, I need one of you students to come forward, you’re a first year." Stood him by the body, said you’ve got to do what I do, and he put his finger up the rectum of this dead body, like that, and then just sucked it. He said "I know, I know, I know, but you’ve got to learn how to be a doctor." So this medical student puts his finger up, like that, and went like that. [sucks finger] And he said "The other thing about being a doctor is you must be observant. I put my middle finger up the rectum, and sucked my index."

One interesting thing about gravity: You know in the early days of television, it was widely believed that television sets weighed more when they were switched on. And the main reason for this belief apparently came from reading the manufacturer's instructions, which warned people always to switch off their sets before attempting to move them.

A couple went to the Natural History Museum and they saw the big dinosaur skeleton there and they asked the attendant how old it was. He said, "It's 65 million, fourteen years and three months old." And they said, "Well that's amazing, is that like carbon dating? How can you tell so precisely how old it is?" He said, "No, you see, when I first came here they told me it was 65 million years old and I been here fourteen years and three months."

🇬🇷 The Greek says: "We built the Parthenon." 🏛️ 🇮🇹 The Italian says: "We built the Colosseum." 🏟️ 🇬🇷 The Greek says: "We came up with advanced Mathematics." 📐 🇮🇹 The Italian says: "We made the Roman Empire." ⚔️ 🇬🇷 The Greek, getting frustrated, finally realizes how he can win the argument: "We invented sex." 🛌 🇮🇹 The Italian replies: "True, true, I can't argue with that... but we thought of having it with women." 👯‍♀️

Why are the pyramids in Egypt? There are many reasons but one is,there were to heavy to bring to British Museum

Recently a restaurent opened around here, it’s name is is Karma. It doesn’t have a menu. You will get only what you deserve

Once a tourist came to Sri Lanka asked from a street kid when he was travelling, where does this road go? Kid replied, “The road stays, you go”

Here is an interesting property of graphite, taken from the Agony column in the Daily Mirror. "Dear Marge, I noted, in your column a few weeks ago, the pros and cons of women going without a bra. A few weeks ago, I saw a small item in the paper which may help to settle the matter. It is said that if a woman is not certain whether or not she should go braless, she should place a pencil under her bosom. If the pencil stays there, she should wear a bra. I would sign my name to this letter, but my wife still has my pencil."

Rita Mae Brown once said: "If the world were a logical place, then men would ride side-saddle.”

A tragic, telling, but mercifully-brief excerpt from a court report in the Guardian goes: "The marriage suffered a setback in 1985, when the husband was killed by the wife."

An army bomb unit was called to investigate a suspicious-looking package outside the Territorial Army unit in Bristol. They blew up, with a controlled explosion, the package, only to discover that it was a parcel of leaflets explaining how to deal with suspicious packages.

Why are the pyramids in Egypt? There are many reasons but one is,there were to heavy to bring to British Museum

🇬🇷 The Greek says: "We built the Parthenon." 🏛️ 🇮🇹 The Italian says: "We built the Colosseum." 🏟️ 🇬🇷 The Greek says: "We came up with advanced Mathematics." 📐 🇮🇹 The Italian says: "We made the Roman Empire." ⚔️ 🇬🇷 The Greek, getting frustrated, finally realizes how he can win the argument: "We invented sex." 🛌 🇮🇹 The Italian replies: "True, true, I can't argue with that... but we thought of having it with women." 👯‍♀️

Recently a restaurent opened around here, it’s name is is Karma. It doesn’t have a menu. You will get only what you deserve